[dahy-kot-uh-me] Conflict of Thought & Action; Division into two mutually exclusive, opposed, or contradictory groups; A DICHOTOMY BETWEEN THOUGHT AND ACTION. (Noun)
Being that this is a professional website, and I attempt to USUALLY create motivational articles about boosting your self worth, value and esteem to live the life that you were created to do; devoid of any internal idiosyncrasies. However, I found myself against myself this past week, and wondered about the nature of my own self. What I said I was willing to die for, I had gone silent on, and what I said I was never do, I behooved my lesser self; possibly becoming a greater evil. And you have experienced this conflict as well, known as a dichotomy. (Definition above.)
Last week, I was out with a Caucasian/Mexican associate and we were eating, and I was THEE ONLY BLACK WOMAN/BLACK ANYTHING in the vicinity of the restaurant; the next thing I knew (and truly unbeknownst to me), there was an integrated social protest in response to blasphemous murder of Eric Garner (google him & WATCH HIS DEATH) and, the baby Tamir Rice; 12 years-old (google him & WATCH HIS WITHOUT WARNING DEATH). I kid you not, everyone who was in the restaurant turned to me to see what I would, how I would respond; would it be with vile and cruel beastly anger or would I digress to the restroom?
I excused myself, and went outside, and while I did not chant, or lay down on the cold concrete or exclaim that "I Can't Breathe," as Eric Garner did. I felt the integrity and FEAR behind the fight for Freedom. And I saw white families with their children, lie on the ground in solidarity for my cultural cause; and I was frozen. Paused and in Fear, because it was very hard to instinctually premeditate what the few racists in the opposing crowd would do; who would make an unjust move, further instigating the injustice of this American judicial system. I was there; me in a personal dilemma; also known as a dichotomy.
The next day, I was in the midst of four hundred white women, invited to my first, and a very ultra exclusive (might I add) High Tea Society. Some of them had pure disgust on their faces, others, thought I was the help until I sat down. Even more were surprised that I knew how to drink tea properly; which many of them did not. LOL, I thought. This is strange...something like, well....(you know the title).
Then I thought about all the current social issues in the American culture; all the facades that we all display in our self-praising false identity. How African American Greek letter organizations will rally IN COMPLETE UNISON to denounce and remove a reality show (#SororitySisters) that they feel is degrading to their crafts; YET, will not allow their same sorors and frats to protest in recent events in the streets wearing their letters. DICHOTOMY. Churches denouncing homosexuality, babies born out-of-wedlock or promoting within to those who provide the most deviant sexual favors, while preaching pure white salvation; Dichotomy. Being apart of a nation who proclaims to unite all people for a greater good; YET, continues to have the highest incarceration rate in the world, who is in more debt than can be made up in 3 lifetimes, is now making school district rezoning illegal [as to not allow for higher education for lower income families, which are more often than not MINORITIES], where Bible-Belt regions such as the south still segregate (and even have made it illegal to feed the poor on the street or handout money to those undoubtely in need) and still will not allow women to be properly educated on their bodies to make sound decisions in the best interest of the woman. I don't know...but to me, sounds like there could be some sort of an internal conflict; the will to do better, believe bigger, and then do nothing, or more drastically do something that creates complete obliteration to the good-willed intention.
Sometimes we ask "God" to show us the errors in our ways in order to be used at an optimal obsequious altitude, and then when we are shown...it is the Good & Evil within ourselves that show us the Good & Evil in the world, and how we are all in a struggle that consists of our minds attempting to make sense of the dense matter in which live, and standards by which we operate, and we will forever feed the timidity of our inner selves the grainy and askewed perspective denial of our higher selves, call it "god" or good-standing moral conscious behavior to make everything in our own little world justifiable & ok. Until, we are the ones in need of our personal cause to be fought for (with unwavering stamina).... But, I presume, safely, that you wouldn't know about these things, cause maybe, unlike me, you see things perfect -- as it should be.
(Think with me, now isn't that a....well....)
Dichotomy. - Sabrina Ashley, December 2014 ©